Road to Recovery
by girl in the green shoelaces
Summary: After hitting bottom Willow was trying so hard to change and just as she was getting her life back in order the unthinkable happens. After a rather brutal attack meant for Dawn, Willow is left in the hospital. How will this change the timeline?
1. Chapter 1

A worried blonde rushed through the white halls and throngs of worried faced individuals starring at a clock. If you were to ask her anything more complex than her own name her mind would have not been able to formulate an answer. Mind on overdrive she reached the receptionist desk gasping for air while at the same time choking out her request.

"Willow Rosenberg. Please!"

Still, despite the fray of emotion her voice sounded steadily. Her eyes however were frenzied telling a story all their own of fear, apprehension, and a most agonizing regret. The receptionist faced with hundreds of individuals daily each sharing in this disposition of desperation could not muster much more than a glance in the direction of the still winded woman before her.

"She is still in surgery at the moment; if you're family I can have the doctor speak with you once he is finished."

It would never be a lie to say that Willow was her family; Willow was her everything. Nodding, not trusting her own voice Tara turned in the direction of the rows of semi comfortable chairs whose cushioned seats had obtained questionable stains whose origins no one wanted to know. Tediously she hung her head allowing her hair to cover her face as she set out in that direction, coming to a stop before a fellow blonde whose head remained hidden within her hands occasionally shaking from left to right in disbelief of the situation. Taking the seat next to Buffy's she waited for her for the slayer to address her presence.

"They took her into surgery the moment she arrived. How? How could this happen?"

At the word surgery Tara's heart fell through the floor and she couldn't help but to be thankful for the chair in which she was currently seated, stains and all, for she was sure that upon hearing those words from Buffy's lips her knees would have given way. Willow. She hadn't seen her redheaded vixen in over a month and now… It seemed surreal that she should find herself here waiting to know if her girlfriend…ex girlfriend…lover….soul mate was going to live. It should have been impossible and as she stumbled through those thoughts Tara couldn't help but whish for the ability to turn back time. Willow…

They hadn't spoken Tara tortured herself with questions that she couldn't answer. Did Willow know how badly every atom of her being ached for her? How the very sinew of her essence called out for her with every breath and every thought? That the reason she hadn't been able to call was that upon hearing the red head's voice she knew she'd have not been able to maintain the required distance. It seemed so cruel that in order to heal they should be separated, but the separation was tolerated out of love and nothing more. It seemed more urgent now than ever that she should say these things however Buffy was not the person who needed to hear them. So she opted for a question.

"Buffy wwwhat happened?"

The second hand of the cold standard clock upon the wall seemed to have stopped completely, and Tara felt an eternity had pass as she was waited for the answer. But that couldn't be right because the flow of time had been pushing and pulling, speeding and slowing, since that ill fated phone call.

The call.

Dawn had called her less than fifteen minutes ago according to the clock though she was beginning to believe the batteries within it had run out of life. Choking at that thought she shook her head once more focusing on Buffy, rather than the lifetime it had taken to reach the hospital, and the mere seconds that had passed since the hurried rush of worried words Dawn had poured into the phone.

"They were out walking back from the library. She's been doing so much better. She hasn't used magic, she's eating, she comes down for Tara, she even helps Dawn with her homework again. Everything was not quite normal yet but getting there so when I asked her to pick Dawn up and she said sure, I didn't think twice about it being so close to dusk. On the way back they were ambushed. A gang of vampires and a few demons looking for revenge against the slayer. They didn't stand a chance but Will held em off. She told, she told Dawn to run. If she hadn't been there…"

Tara felt her breath hitch in her throat followed by terror rising within her chest. If her Willow had gone up against a gang of angry vampires and demons …..the only possible results weren't pretty. Then there was the entire issue of magic, she'd come so far and now, they'd be back at square one.

"Anya had been at the house after she called for an ambulance she went out to see if she could help. Dawn called Xander who found me. According to Anya there was no hint of magic use, she didn't even defend herself. If I hadn't stripped her of her only protection against Hell, then asked her to go out into the darkness defenseless…the would have never happened. This should have never happened."

"Buffy you can't think that. Willow doesn't think that. Ssshe ccouldn't."

Tara found her resolve loosening with every word. There only one string of light in this situation that she could focus on and that was her love's refusal to give into the pull of magic. It was in that moment that she felt complete disgust with herself because a damaged Willow, one who would have to suffer through magical withdraw once again, was eons better than any alternative.

"She really has been trying. So hard. So so hard but I would rather go back to the beginning of this than for her to be hurt. God. Tara. She has more than proved herself but I haven't I never. I. I. i. i."

Tara found herself embracing the blond and felt tears escaping. They bonded over shared feelings of regret and abandonment however they were on a less than traditional side, for they had been the one that left, rather than the one left behind. Willow. Tara found herself searching for strength for herself, for Buffy, for Willow; but, without her center she could do little more than cry into the melancholy embrace.

"I know."

_I'm breathing and Willow might not be. She might not be. She might never inhale again. I might never get to see her special Tara smile. I miss her sweet rambling and waking up next to her hungry eyes as she'd wrap her arms around me, and cuddles, hearing her whisper "vixen" is my ears, hearing her say "I love you" with her soul. She didn't want to hurt me. Goddess she never meant to do harm to any creature other than vampires and the occasional demon. Everyone expected her to be perfect and she always tried to live up to it. Goddess I can't lose her. Please! Willow, please. _

_I remember the last time that we were here. It was after…Glory what she said even after our argument I will never forget those words. _

"_She's my everything."_

_Please oh goddess let her live. _

"She's a fighter. As little credit as we give her she, managed to hold her own against a gang of demons with no magic. She's a fighter. She'll make it. She has to. I mean for all we know she might be in there and just have a slight bump on the head. She might just you know be bruised and they can't tell us because we aren't listed as next of kin."

It felt adequate that one of them should ramble for of all things that was a very Willowy trait. However the rambling soon was done, Tara having no answer, and Buffy choking in tears.

They had both become so attuned to the quiet background noise that upon the swishing of the doors to surgery neither bothered to glance up. It wasn't until they saw a pair of nike sneakers stopping before them that they jumped each looking at the doctor each of them turinging slightly green at the sight of his blood covered scrubs.

"Can I speak with the Ulchival Family?"

Letting out a breath of relief Tara's eyes once more fell to the ground.

"I I it's a g g good thing that t t they are taking s so long r right? It m means t that s she can be h helped and t they are h helping her."

Tara stutter told each of them of how comforting her words truly were, or rather how her words lacked comfort.

"Yyou spoke whit Anya?"

Buffy nodded turning green at the emotion Anya had slipped.

Both of them in that moment how grave Willow's condition truly was. The now human Anya was known to be well slightly less than sensitive when it came to gore. If the ex vengeance demon was disturbed…

_Willow who more than begged for my forgiveness. For my friendship and I left her alone. To solve her problems. She twisted herself into knots to prove herself every chance she had. _

Buffy head was once again in her hands shaking slowly from left to right and back again. Tara had zoned out staring blankly into the fish tank her eyes following the lonely clown fish as it searched for a companion. When they heard the swish of doors opening once again neither noticed, until…

"Are you the family of Willow Rosenberg?"

"Yes !"

They both said at the same time looking at the doctor for the answers.

"What is your relationship with her?"

"Friend."

They both sprang up at the same time looking over the doctor whom had adorned fresh scrubs, however his sorrowful expression stopped each of their hearts. Ironically this was the place for such an occurrence.

"I apologize but this hospital has a strict policy against giving out patient information to anyone other than family. You can feel free to wait while we try and get in contact with."

Before either female could take offense to his assumption that neither were of blood relation to the red head, the doctor was cut off mid-sentence.

"I'm her brother."

Xander said appearing from almost nowhere. His eyes and nose were red however as he met the doctors gaze his shoulders squared as if daring the smaller doctor to disagree with him. His jacket was wrinkled an obvious after thought and he was breathing heavily having run from the parking lot at top speed. The doctor whom did not at the moment have Willow's medical record on him, who hadn't bothered to glance at the paper simply met the imposters gaze.

"Name?"

"Xander Rosenberg."

"Would you prefer we go somewhere private to discuss your sister's condition?"

The doctor obviously wanted to move the conversation however in true Xander fashion his arms crossed before his chest as he moved behind the chairs of two of his girls.

"These guys are more like family than our parents ever were. Anything you can tell me they can hear as well. The Willster's alright right?"

The poor man cleared his throat noting the predatory gaze in the smaller blonds eyes, fearing her moreso than the man before him claiming to be his patients sibling. Stepping back slightly and glancing over to be sure of a security guards presence he clasped his hands before him as he began an explination.

"I'm not going to lie, she was touch and upon arrival.

She has a mild concussion that we're monitoring . Brain swelling after a traumatic impact to the head isn't uncommon however so far she has been responding nicely to our treatment and we have yet to observe any symptoms.

she is covered in contusions and lacerations we believe that one of the muggers was wearing a ring. There are also obvious bite marks some of a human nature, others well appear canine we administered the proper assortment of tetnis shots combined with a rabies vaccination. We are worried about an infection though . As you know in hospitals merca is not uncommon. She is stable now but if she gets an infection with her body as weak as it is we'd be looking at en extended stay. There are two broken ribs, her left arm is sprained, and there was a bit of internal damage. The later is what caused the surgery to last for such a long period of time. She'll be in the ICU for the night and tomorrow morning she'll be moved to a common hospital room where she can receive visitors."

The doctor would have been sixteen feet under from the look that Tara was shooting him and Xander had to quickly reach around to grab Buffy's shoulders using all of his weight to keep her in the seat.

"Thank you. Is there any way we could see her tonight? I'd rather not have her wake up alone after being mugged, she's my little sister."

The fact of the matter was, that even if there was no common blood between them Xander was the closest thing Willow had to a brother, and she was indeed his sister. The earnest tone stopped the doctor in his tracks and for the first time he truly looked over Xander.

"I suppose one person of family relation could stay by her side tonight though she shouldn't wake until tomorrow. The anastetic administered was quite powerful combined with the morphine dosage she shouldn't honestly be up until tomorrow morning. Even then don't be alarmed if she is slightly less than lucid."

And with those words he quickly escaped for the doctor doubted that the young man could hold down both women.

"I'll stay with her Buffy. She shouldn't wake up tonight and if she does I promise that I will be there. You need to get home to Dawn, both of you should. She's locked herself in Willow's room and well, Anya's never been good with emotional emotions."

Xander's sad joke brought half smiles to their faces. Tara though was about to protest for there was nothing powerful enough to force her from that waiting room. She would be as close to her soul mate as she possible could…she needed to be as close to Willow as possible.

"I ran here."

Buffy's whispered admission however brought her down from those thoughts. Looking at her for a steady moment she realized that her appearance had to be one of disarray which would only worry Willow if she were to wake up. Sighing as she reached for her purse she was unable to make eye contact with Xander.

"I'll drive you."

The whispered words floated through the air and Xander watched as they slowly slumped away clouds of distress leaving with them. One thought however ran through his mind, and that was praise to every god he'd learnt of in school that his Willow was still kicking. Maybe not punching with her sprained wrist but that could come later.

…

A.N.

So I rewrote this chapter simply because I knew I could do better. I do believe that I have. I STILL don't own anything. I suppose that was to be expected though.

I live for feedback so if you feel the holiday cheer and want to spread some to the author with the green shoelaces…well…I wouldn't complain. Quite the opposite really.

The next chapter you'll find has been rewritten as well.

Until next time,

G. Laces


	2. Chapter 2

Tara's feet soundlessly padded down the hall. She was fully dressed it was obvious that she was leaving the Summers residence though there was some inconsistency for the time was arguably either incredibly late or extremely early. She almost dropped her car keys when a figure stepped out of the door to her right. Twisting around she saw Buffy whose face mirrored her own shock upon being caught sneaking out.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"I k kept having nightmares a about what m might have h happened. All I c could see w was Willow laying iin the dirt."

Her voice trailed off though there was quite a bit more to her dreams than the red head in question lying in dirt. When she'd walked through the threshold to her old room she found everything she'd left in it's proper place and holes where the items she'd taken with her had once occupied.

"I know what you mean. I need to be there, at the hospital. Even if you know, I can't see her…. I have to be there."

Tara lifted up her car keys with a guilty smile on her face. Then wordlessly continued leaving a note on the fridge for Dawn and Anya, who were both sleeping on the living room couch. Tara for her part hadn't intended to spend the night in Willow's bed, and even if the thought had crossed her mind, she never thought that she would have spent her night in Willow's bed while the aforementioned red head lay in a hospital.

Without intending to they made the trip to the hospital in complete silence. Climbing out of the car both of them jumped when Buffy's cell phone rang.

It seemed that after Willow's attack walking around Sunnydale at night had them on edge.

"Yes?"

"Buffy. She spiked a fever. It's in the hundreds they forced me out of her room but she keeps whispering Tara's name and the nurses are desperate to keep her calm. They said that if they thought that it would get her to calm down you two can go in with her. I hate to call you so late but they said her body, she umm, really needs to rest. With the fever we'd have to wear scrubs to keep from exposing her to more infection. I know you might not be on the best of terms with her but you really need to be here. Tara too."

Buffy's heart twisted as the full impact of his words struck her. Willow. He thought that she wouldn't come for her Willow.

"Were in the parking lot. Neither of us could sleep. Tara drove."

She was hurting, speaking directly to the point in an attempt to mask her heartbreak. She didn't notice Tara's face loosing more color with every word she spoke. Then again she didn't know that she currently made white sheets envious, the stress of her grip on the cell phone had caused cracks to appear in the plastic. . A fever- the sign of infection. Her mind strove to recall the doctors musings on what would occur if her friend contracted a fever yet all she could see were still frames of Willow. High school Willow in overalls smiling up at her with pride, super wiccan Willow defending them all from Glory, loving Willow placing a cool hand on her forehead when she had the flu. Her rambling loving caring powerful one of a kind Willow.

Without realizing she'd even entered the hospital Buffy was pulled from her thoughts as she ran into Tara who was standing at the entrance to the ICU staring wide eyes at the double doors.

"Tara. Xander said that we can go in and see her as long as we wear hospital scrubs. She has a fever and they are saying that even though she is sleeping she's been having nightmares and the drug that they would use to stop this they can't give to someone with a concussion."

Before either of them rationalized what was happening they had found themselves showering, and dressing in sterile suits. Tara making sure to slip a new case of chap stick into her pocket as they walked into the ICU. The glass walls showed tubes and machines surrounding a bed. Xander was sitting in a chair holding a pale hand with bloody knuckles.

Tara felt herself choke when she looked at the person in said bed. No matter what she told herself, that Willow'd be okay, that they'd been through worse, she looked so fragile. Buffy was afraid to walk closer fearing that her redhead would shatter if she so much as glanced at her the wrong way. Both of her eyes closed a dark bruise over her right eye, her lips chapped and split, her forehead, and her left cheek had a dark purple held dark purple shades surrounding deep angry red welts.

"Tara."

All three of them held their breath as Willow whispered Tara's name and began to stir. Tara quickly stepped forward, noticing Xander holding Willow's good hand she went to the right side and placing a hand on Willow's cheek as she bent over her fallen lover.

"I know, Will. I'm right here. I love you. Ok? I'm here."

Instantly Willow stilled and Buffy found herself taking one of the two seats on Willow's right placing a hand on Willow's bed. She felt like she was intruding upon an intimate moment. The first time in what felt like a life time that Tara was seeing Willow and Willow couldn't look back at her. Buffy found herself feeling worse for her friend. Her Willowy friend that never meant to let her down. Her friend that always held the best of intensions.

"They said that she should wake up sometime tomorrow but that they may have to sedate her. She needs something to help her sleep however with concussion they're limited in what they can give her."

Xander found his words dying out as he tried to hold fast to the notion that his best friend was going to be alright. They all wanted Willow to wake up. They wanted her to have never been attacked to begin with. Still he could see Buffy's guilt, Tara's guilt, all of the guilt in the world would do Willow absolutely no good he could have growled at what it took for them to realize what he'd known all along.

"Her llips are chapped."

Tara whispered pulling out her chap stick and applying it to Willow's lips before running her fingers through Willow's hair. Absent mindedly she found herself in constant physical contact with the redhead, and as long as Tara hands were on her the red head was content to rest.

…

Morning saw three young adults still standing watch by their friends side. Tara was sitting on the edge of Willow's bed fingers still running gently through Will's hair, Xander had switched seats with Buffy somehow during the night. He was leaning on the wall behind him while watching over his best and first friend. Buffy had found Willow's one good hand and was holding it constantly checking for a pulse. Each of them had become attuned to the steady beep that reassured them of their friends condition.

Well for Tara, Willow would always be more than a friend.

They all had become desensitized to the nurses coming and going throughout the night, so when the door opened none of them looked up.

"We would like to move Ms. Rosenberg to her own room now."

A woman in a white coat said and again it was a rush. Instantly Buffy's head shot up and she made eye contact with the woman before asking.

"Is she ready for that? I mean she has a fever. That means that there may be in infection. Should she really be moved into another room?"

This doctor smiled at her and then took the seat that Tara wasn't occupying.

"I should have introduced myself. I'm sorry it's been a long shift. I'm Doctor Kleeps and I have been assigned to Willow's treatment. I want to ask before I start explaining a few things to you. Do you have any questions on her condition?"

"You said there were internal injuries?"

The female Doctor smiled at Xander before shifting her eyes back to her patient.

"Her spleen and her stomach were injured. Because of the internal bleeding she has lost more blood than we thought at first. We were able to patch her up and she is on a high grade antibiotic. She won't be eating today, because of the trauma though. We patched that up too. Tomorrow she really shouldn't eat anything either maybe the day after that we'll start pushing liquids and then light broth and the horrid hospital jello. "

Buffy could only stare at the doctor, Tara found her gaze on Willow with her eyes tearing and Xander found his gaze drifting to the white ICU tile.

"Um. TThe fever?"

"When a body goes through that much stress and trauma it is not unusual for a slight fever to appear. I think the best thing for her right now is to get her somewhere that she can be around people who will support her. Somewhere she can laugh. But try to lax on the laughter today because of her broken ribs. It does worry me a bit that she spiked a one oh two last night even on the antibiotics but she's doing quite a bit better this morning."

"Are you the reason that they let us in to see her."

Dr .Kleeps only smiled at Tara her knowing eyes catching the gentle touches that the blonde was still applying.

"So are you ready to go to a room where you will actually have walls?"

All of them stood then followed as their friend was rolled down the hall and into an elevator, then into a room with white walls, a couch, a chair on either side of the bed, and a television. In all honesty they'd been pleasantly surprised that the doctor had taken so much time to explain to them what was going on. Even a bit of what was going to happen. Buffy looked up and realized that it was nine, the start of visiting hours. Turning to Xander she caught his eyes before saying,

"Why don't you go tell Anya and Dawn that if they want they can come see Will."

Xander realizing that Buffy wasn't giving him an option stood, walking from the hospital room, leaving his friend for the first time.

_I love her. And no spell can create feelings of love. Not like this. I've missed her more than i thought possible. It wasa part of myself I was missing. Oh goddess thank you for the chance to tell her that I love her. _

_I don't understand why. Why couldn't I have just done what my heart was telling me? From the start it felt like I was more alone than I have ever been. Why couldn't I have just forgiven her? Dawn has forgiven her, Anya, Xander, even Tara. I do forgive her. I forgave her the moment I knew what she had done. Why though? Why couldn't I tell her that? _

_Why?_

Finally after what felt like an eternity Buffy spoke.

"She missed you."

"Wwhat?"

"She really has gotten back to her old self. She got a job developing software for a company and creating codes -impenetrable firewalls along with other things. She can go to the magic box without even flinching. She said that she owed it to you. When we asked her why she was doing so much. She also said that she wasn't going to move on until you made it more than clear that there was no chance for the two of you."

"Wwillow you should hhave wanted to gget better for you."

Tara whispered before looking back at Buffy.

"Hey we're here."

Anya proclaimed as she walked in with Xander and Dawn. Xander was obviously dragging, and Dawn all but jumping literally oozing energy.

"How is she?"

Xander asked as he walked over to where the girls were.

"Stable."

"Tthey think that she should wwake up sometime ttoday."

Tara sounded absolutely drained and Buffy looked just as bad as Xander and Tara.

"Ok. We're here. Why don't we go down stairs and get something to eat? I mean she should be sleeping for a little bit more."

"Anya you can go but I really want to stay here."

"Buffy you are no good to Will if you pass out because of low blood sugar, Tara you too. We wont be going far just down stairs, just for a few minutes."

Dawn was actually able to get both Tara and Buffy to stand up and was all but dragging them toward the door. With a hesitant look at Willow, Tara took a deep breath understanding that if she passed out she wouldn't be able to do anything for Willow. Buffy seemed to be coming to the same conclusion. But she wasn't ready to leave Willow yet. Neither of them were.

"Hey you guys go ahead. I had something to eat at the house I'm just going to sleep on the couch."

Xander said and he watched as Dawn barely got Buffy and Tara out of the room. He then took the chair next to Willow's side and just watched. He thought he saw her flinch but his tired mind he figured was playing tricks on him.

" Oou Ouch."

"Willow."

Instantly Willow's good eye fluttered while the other remained swollen shut.

"Xander? Where am I?"

Willow rasped as one eye fully opened then quickly shut when the light caused her brain to all but explode.

"In the hospital. Do you remember why you are here?"

Willow scrunched her forehead for a moment then she sat up faster than Xander could stop her.

"Dawnie!"

"Is fine she made it to the hose and Anya took care of her. You're the person of the hour Willster every one's been waiting with baited breath for you to wake."

"Tara is coming. Xander. I wanted to make things better. How can I do that when I am in the hospital? Will she? Will she even want to see me. Wait. My lips? They taste like her chap stick. Why do I have Tara chap stick on my lips? Xander?. How? How can I fix anything right now? I wanted to have dinner with her. And and and now…"

Will's rambling seemed to have lost any direction and Xander gently pushed her back onto the bed and into a laying position before shhing her. He felt a guilty pleasure over Willow's distressed ramble. No matter what the ramble was about hearing it spill from Willow's lips was enough to fill his weary heart with electricity.

"Tara was here all night along with Buffy, and if the nurses ask I am your brother. That was the only way we could get any information from those evil doctors with the pointy needles. I hate the pointy needles."

"We should form an I hate Pointy Needles club."

"Yeah…Buffy would totally join, and Dawn, and Tara. Not Anya though she for some reason enjoys the pointyness. Nothing is more terrifying than her obsession with needles…well…"

Xander was beginning to feel more like himself when he realized that Will was as close to being all right as she had been in the past month. They were joking around which to him meant that she was going to be fine.

"I should probably get a doctor. And everyone is downstairs eating breakfast. Dawn had to drag Buffy and Tara out of here. They wanted to be here when you woke up."

Willow's eyes as she finally felt Tara;s presence. She wanted so much to see her but was frozen with the fear that she might do something wrong, that Tara was only there because she was worried about Dawn. She sat up again and this time pain racked through her entire body and she lost the ability to breath completely. As she froze, her muscles tensing in reaction to the pain alarms began ringing a nurse rushed in and realized what had happened and quickly ran to her side.

"Breathe. Come on I know you hurt. Just breath through it."

Her voice was soothing however she pulled out a needle which Willow flinched away from. That undid all of the work the poor woman had done in calming the redhead who by now though was managing to speak in rapid gasps.

"Nnnno I'm fine. Please I'm good see? All better. Can I go home now?"

Willow asked as she still cradled her left side. Her mind running a mile a minute realized that she probably had damaged internal organs and that was where this mind numbing pain was coming from.

"I'm going to go get a doctor. I believe that Dr. Kleeps is still here. She really does watch over her patients most of the time she even does rounds with the nurses and makes sure that the patients are doing as well in a hospital as they could."

Willow nodded and sat silently as the nurse went running down the hall.

"My head feels ucky."

"Wills Ucky isn't a word"

"It's a Willowy word. I think I'm on drugs."

Willow said as her voice began to come back and shifted from a rasp to a whisper and then some woman in a white coat appeared in the doorway.

"Well you are on drugs. Are you familiar with oxycotton? That's what I have you on. We'll work you off of it in a while but with your injuries being a little loopy is a good thing. Now please give me your name, and place of birth."

"Willow Rosenberg. I was born in Sunnydale."

"Ok. What month is it?"

"July."

"What color are my eyes?"

"Blue."

"What is six times twelve?"

"72."

"I think that you're going to be just fine. Now I want you to take it easy and sleep as much as you can. Sleep is the body's way of healing. I've got to head home now but I will be back in a few hours and I am always on call incase something happens. So I will leave this young gentleman to explain to you your condition."

Willow smiled.

"Gentleman? I'm her brother. Right Wills? I'm her brotherly brother."

"Ok. Goodbye Mr. Harris, feel better Ms. Rosenberg."

Willow chuckled and then grimaced when her chest decided to protest and her broken ribs screamed at her.

"Xander what's wrong with me?"

"Internal injuries. Then they said that you pulled a humpty dumpty and they had to find all the pieces and try to put you back together again. Something about broken ribs and the number two…..then what was that OH there was something about a knife. What did they say about the knife?"

"That Buffy would use it on Xander if Willow woke up and he didn't come down to tell her."

Buffy said as she crossed her arms walking in and then smiling at Willow. Tara was the next one in and Willow felt her chest explode. She was terrified enthralled and excited all at the same time which sent her heart rate through the roof. Glancing at the moniter and chuckling Xander missed the horror on Tara's face.

"Am I really tthat scary?"

Tara whispered as she walked next to Willow's side. Willow for her part was lost starring into Tara's eyes. She had tried for so long remember every detail about Tara but standing next to the real thing she realized how her memory could never do the beauty justice. Looking at her bed sheets Willow found herself lost in thoughts of why The blonde had left. She couldn't forgive herself, how could Tara?

"No.. You're the opposite of scary. But I."

"You are hurt and going to rest and worry about the past later."

"Rright. All that mmatters now is getting yyou better."

This time as she spoke Tara initated physical contact with Willow taking her good hand in her own, then running her free hand through the red head's hair.

"But I I am bad. I'm a bad Willow. I said bad things and I did worse things and I…"

"You are ggoing to listen to me tthis time. Jjust listen to mme Will. Trust me. Gget better now and wwell work through iit together later."

Will smiled at Tara. It was an almost sad smile but to Tara it was the most relieving thing that she had seen that day. She had come up early with Buffy to check on Willow. When she had seen a white coat running into Willow's room her heat had stopped beating.

Willow looked at Buffy who was sitting next to her smiling, then to Xander who seemed to be watching the scene with his Xanderness. She had her two best friends on either side of her and she didn't know where she stood with Tara but she had her Tara next to her. She had her Tara.

…

This chapter makes me smile...You guys know the drill I own nothing blab la bla, please review, blab la bla witty remark blab la bla.

Yours Truly

G. Laces


	3. Chapter 3

The cold mechanic beep of the heart monitor was keeping her awake, that and the intense aroma of antiseptic combined with moldy jello and day old fear. Honestly everything felt wrong and in that moment she realized why. Opening her eyes, glancing about, she realized that for the first time throughout her hospital stay she could not locate Tara. Suppressing her initial instinct to magically reach out for her lover Willow dejectedly allowed her body to fall into the folds of the cold sheets, alone once more. It was all to clear to the nothing that was watching her, how heartbroken she truly was.

_Why should i be anything other than that? The things I've said, the things I've done! I don't deserve Tara. I don't deserve any of them. It makes sense that they were until they were sure I'd be alright but now that they know…_

_I deserve to be alone._

Tears stung her eyes her guilt leaving her oblivious to the silhouette creeping into her room. Too lost in worlds of painful realization of all she'd done wrong Willow didn't feel the pull of her souls other half, the warmth of a presence that put the sun to shame. She did however feel gentle fingers upon her cheek lovingly wiping away her tears. lifting her chin, her watery green eyes shining with emotion, she couldn't help but to smile.

Tara.

Her Tara.

"I'm here."

…

"Uh hha.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

OKAY.

Thank Giles. Bye.

Yeah, Giles I've really got to go. Bye."

There were still hurt feelings between Slayer and watcher however she felt the need to inform him of their most recent adventure. Sighing as she flopped onto the couch she smiled as she noticed Tara, who had managed to slip into the hospital bed. Buffy's fellow blonde's lap currently served as a cushion for Willow's head while Tara serenely held Alice's Adventures In Wonderland with her left hand, her right draped over Willow.

There is something enchanting when one see's two lovers interacting at any point in time, it's the vibe that makes onlookers feel as if they're intruding. Shaking her head Buffy took note of the deep flush upon Willow's brow, glancing at the monitor to the left of the bed she flinched. 103.4. It had slowly risen as the day progressed however as her temperature rose Willow's condition improved which Buffy was praying meant nothing.

But.

They lived on a hell mouth which meant that it was something, though she was unsure as to what it was. Hence the impromptu call to Giles even though it was well, she wasn't sure what time it was in London. It wasn't that she didn't care, she just didn't care about such minor details when there was so much room for something to be wrong.

The last time a demon had broken skin on any them she'd wound up having to consume it's heart as her mind slowly unraveled under the pressure of everyone else's thoughts. Shaking her head she could only hope that it wasn't the case with Willow. Still there was a long list of demons to run down, and a fever, well that could mean anything. Which was exactly what he of little to no help had said.

Angle on the other hand. His theories had been completely unnerving and looking at her peaceful friend she could only hope that he had been wrong, that Giles could come up with some let's say healthier alternatives.

…

"Willow?"

Blinking as Tara's face came into view Willow smiled up at her lover? It was questionable however the blonde before her had chased away any doubts of her devotion. Leaning into the touch, her head nuzzling the leg it was currently resting upon Willow couldn't help but to purr quietly. The natural action bringing a small smile to the blondes face.

"Arggh Lesbian romance rated at least PG 13! My eyes."

Turning to hide her blush Tara could only smile as she watched Willow's clear green eyes glow happily as they found Xander, the slightest raise of an eyebrow and a cheeky smirk her only reply. Anya catching the innuendo grinned, after all this was her territory-sex.

"But Xander that's one of your fantasys! Do I need to refresh your memory? There was Willow, Tara, Buffy, the whip, whipped cream, four sticks of butter, or was it five?"

"That's enough Ann's. Are we going to have the talk about keeping fantasy's between us again?"

The ex-demon looked slightly annoyed at that statement and crossed her arms over her chest, and blowing a stray hair from her face before replying.

"I hope not. The last time you were so tired by the time you reached the end of your lecture that you didn't do ANYTHING to help. I have needs too you know? And what about my fantasies? Just because you can't get Willow, or Tara, or Buffy to agree doesn't mean we can't at least try.."

"Anya that's illegal in forty nine states and California is one of them."

"It's only Illegal if you get caught."

As amusing as the vengeance demon and Xander's bickering truly was Willow found herself wishing for Tara to scratch her behind the ears. Which her mind rationalized was a rather odd thing to crave. Shaking her head for a moment and looking down at her side which held bite marks she'd discussed with Angel when he'd visited the night before her eyes widened. Reaching suddenly across the bed to the night stand and completely startling Tara, she grabbed her computer a theory forming in her mind.

Tara watched as Willow fell into research mode slightly off center. If Willow felt the need to be researching ,something, well something was wrong. Swallowing her worry she promised herself that Willow would share information when she was ready, that they needed to trust one another that they would trust each other. Still as she tried to fall back into her book she couldn't separate herself from the worry that pulled upon the strands of her soul.

As for Xander and Anya, well they continued to bicker in their corner over subjects that would make a pornography camera man blush with wide eyes while he wondered how that would even work…

…

Buffy walked in quietly with Dawn noting Xander and Anya still wrapped in their own little world of ...she decided she was better off not knowing what world they were in. Looking over at Willow's bed she couldn't suppress the joy at the closeness of Willow and Tara. Well until she noted the fear in Willow's glowing green eyes which instantly had her on edge and glancing at Tara to see what state the blonde was she found that her fellow blonde looked just as troubled as she felt.

"Will? Is something wrong?"

Their red head glanced up at them her troubled eyes scanning the room catching how Buffy's question had peaked the interest of everyone in the room and how all eyes were at that moment, on her. Taking a deep breath to steady her shaking hands she tried to smile weakly.

"Guys what do you know about Ailuranthropy?"

"I'll go call Giles."

…..

So if you're just tuning in Great hope you enjoyed it. Umm for some of you who've read this before I rewrote the first two chapters. You don't have to go back and read them just know that I altered Willow's injuries. Concussion…few broken ribs….bite marks….sprained wrist. Nothing more extensive.

Please please please REVIEW...UMM yeah i own nothing...anything else? Searously am i leaving anything out here?

Yours Truly

G. Laces

.

G. Laces


	4. Chapter 4

Shaking with fear herself Willow would be the first to admit that everything felt wrong at that moment. Tightly closing her eyes she listened to the familiar sounds of foot steps above her, knowing that under normal circumstances she shouldn't have been able to hear her friends pacing about in the Summers living room. Then again, the past few days had been far from normal.

had been less than pleased when she'd checked herself out, Tara and Buffy hadn't been too keen on the idea either.

Tara.

Buffy.

Her lover, and her best friend. It was almost worth having been attacked and under the influence of an unknown demon. They were hers again.

_Not that I deserve them. _

Pulling her knees to her chin Willow flinched as she heard the door above her open to slam closed moments after, followed by it's opening and closure once more. Glancing at her watch she noticed that it was six, which in December meant dusk in Sunnydale. Dusk for the slayer meant patrol…and who ever it was up there had decided to go with Buffy leaving her alone in the house, save for Dawn.

Sweating despite the fact that the temperature had dropped to sixty Willow began to fidget against the chains hoping beyond hope that they would hold. She wished she could double check that the door was locked because there was no chance in hell that she'd allow herself to harm Dawn. But due to the nature of the unknown, there was no certainty that she would be herself throughout the night's full moon. Her thoughts were cut off as everything began to burn, the snapping of breaking bones masked by her screams.

…

"I can't believe she went out, tonight of all nights! Willow needs us! She's down stairs in the BASEMENT and Buffy just left.

Does she care about Willow at all?

If that were me down there, she'd be well, she'd have punched through a wall or two and probably be in an even worse mood, but she'd be here. That's what matters. How dare her. I mean really this is Willow. Our Willow. She needs us. She's needed us for the past few months and yet again what does Buffy do at the first sign of trouble?

She bails!

And Tara!

How could she? She left with Buffy! I mean I know they're both emotionally compromised and neither of them had the heart to stay here but still! Don't they get it? And where's Xander? Anya I can understand, but Xander?"

Dawn's rant was cut short by a blood curling scream. Her eyes widened as she glanced out her window taking in the rise of a full moon. She would never claim to know everything however was sure about one thing, and that was that blood curling screams were never a good thing, especially around a full moon. Dropping her pillow which she didn't recall picking up, she bolted down to the door that led to the basement, and didn't think twice as she tore it open.

Her eyes quickly scanned the room however she saw nothing more than the chains that now were holding air. Her heart on overdrive in her chest she glanced around noticing how the lights reflected off of something in one of the dark corners. Slowly sidling down the stairs she approached the far corner cautious in her reckless actions.

"Willow?"

The question was answered by a low growl which caused her to stop mid step. Dawn waited for the creature that once was her heroic red head to pounce upon her, however when the attack never came her eyes hardened as she took yet another step forward.

"Willow. It's me! Dawn. Dawnie, remember? We both like school, and coffee, and Tara."

Mentioning the blondes name was enough to stop the growling which Dawn took to mean that the former witch still had some coherency. Finally reaching the corner her eyes adjusted and she gasped. Honestly who wouldn't I mean who knew that there were red panthers?

"Willow?"

Her high pitched question caused the creature's tail to flick violently however the panther made no move toward her, rather the green eyes that had been glowing since the attack stared up at her as if to say 'what hell are you doing? Buffy's going to kill you! Do you even realize how dangerous this is?' before going into a ramble over the many ways her actions could have ended in catastrophe. Dawn bit back a grin as she realized that while the feline before her couldn't speak directly, the sentiment could very well be communicated.

"Willow, you're still Willow!"

She moved forward to throw her arms around the panther however it leapt over her mid lunge.

"Well almost Willow. Come on, this is great! It means that we can go watch TV together!"

Dawn quickly moved to leave the freezing basement visions of the red panther laying on the couch with her the glow from the tv reflected off their faces as she sipped hot chocolate. Smiling in a daze she reached the living room before realizing that Willow in fact had not followed her. Turning about she glanced around searching for her friend, before returning to the basement to find the werecat once more curled up in the corner.

"Willow you won't hurt me! Come on. I'll even give you some warm milk."

Dawn was too wrapped up in attempting to coerce Willow into leaving the corner to notice Buffy's arrival. Her eyes narrowed seeing only her younger sister, and the open shackles. Moving in slayer mode she roughly grabbed Dawn's upper arm jerking the younger girl out from the basement, before slamming the thick wooden door. Upon assuring herself that Dawn was safe, she moved straight into lecture mode, focusing on Dawn at that moment rather than, well, anything else.

"Buffy I'm fine, geesh! Willow's not going to hurt me!"

Disbelief washed over Buffy's face as she glared down her younger sibling both Summer's girls crossing their arms before their chests leaning forward fully intending to stare the other down.

"You can't bring yourself to trust your best friend! Buffy this is Willow! I don't care what she's done, she more than made it up to me the night she risked her life to save mine. You know the night that werecat whatever it was attacked her!"

Unseen Tara watched, the full impact of Dawn's words weighing heavily upon her heart and from Buffy's facial expression the slayer felt the same guilt. All three of them glanced at the wooden door not sure of what the right thing to do even was. Then again are we ever truly sure of what is right and what is wrong, what is black and what is white in a world solely gray?

"Dawnie, still, you sshould have wwaited until we rreturned."

Turning on Tara, her face showing exactly how betrayed she felt Dawn's eyes narrowed.

"You guys should have never left!"

Shaking her head, ignoring the looks she was receiving from her elders the teenager rebelliously threw open the door, once more attempting to pull Willow out of hiding. Curious as to what had actually become of her friend Buffy followed closely steeling herself to leap in front of Dawn should the need arise. Tara lurked behind the two of them slowly crossing threshold her hands shaking. She could feel the pull of Willow's essence, whatever had changed her had purified her essence, none of the darkness from the misuse of magic remained. Despite the positive connotations such an expedient change to one's magical channels would have been intense and incredibly painful. Sympathetically she called out for her lover hoping that the pain had ended though not sure.

"Willow."

Upon hearing Tara's voice Willow was unable to resist opening her eyes, thus giving away her location. Slowly padding out into the light she lowered her head at her their astonished gasps.

"You're a biiigg cat."

…

Alright so this is my newest chapter. Before I say anything more may I say, Happy Holidays.

There now we can more on, please review…I own nothing…insert whatever else here.

Yours Truly,

G. Laces.


	5. Chapter 5

All eyes were on the pink elephant in the room or rather the red panther. Willow's tail uncomfortably twitched under unwanted attention and once more the panther headed for her corner. She only had the chance to turn around before Tara filled her senses to the point where she had no control over her actions. Every sinew in her being maneuvered her until she was purring sitting at Tara's feet. This of course led to laughter.

"Wwillow."

Slowly Tara reached out to touch Willow her hand pausing multiple times before resting on the panthers head and slowly brushing back red fur. Her actions however did nothing to stop the purring which only led to Dawn offering Buffy a complete look of ' I told you so. '

"Oh no you don't. You soo do not get to go there with me. We didn't know if Willow would have control or not and how do you think she would have felt if you had gotten hurt?"

Willow's eyes seemed to convey the same message. Nevertheless Dawn was unwilling to relent the basement was freezing and cold and honestly not even ghosts belonged in there.

"Well since she's obviously not going to do anything can she at least come up stairs? This basement is freezing and she just got out of the hospital. If you're that worried, which you shouldn't be, but if you are I'll go up into my room for the night and you and Tara can keep an eye on the vicious monster that's purring right now."

It was obvious, Dawn didn't want to return to her room however Buffy was not going to let such an opportunity slip by.

"Deal. You stay in your room, and Willow can have the living room. But next full moon you're going to Xander's."

Dawn's face paled and Buffy realizing that Anya also lived at Xander's and was especially effected by a full moon felt the need to retract that statement however before she could Dawn was gone leaving a comical cloud of smoke in her wake. Turning Buffy led Tara out of the basement and into the living room each and even managed to sit before she realized that Willow had not followed her. Standing to retrieve her friend she was stopped by a simple Tara look.

"I c-can handle this."

Nodding in acceptance that she wasn't going to be the one that save her friend this round Buffy gruffly reached for the remote searching for a beast friendly movie.

Tara hesitantly descended into the basement Willow's glowing eyes giving away her location. Sitting at the base of the steps she waited patiently. All wounded creatures tended to react in similar manners and for the moment they both fell into that classification however this would be a monumentious step in their healing process. Concentrating on Willow she could her lovers fears, self hatred, and desperation. She wanted to rush to Willow's side however in their situation she knew that it was best to let Willow come to her. Slowly the panther gave into her instinct and returned to the side of her mate. Resting her head on Tara's knee Willow looked up at her lover waiting for judgment.

"I love you Willow Rosenburg. I-if you're going to s-stay in this basement, t-then so will I."

With slow deliberate motions she reached over and placed her hand on Willow's head scratching lightly behind her ear. Her actions confirming that she would indeed remain. Willow's eyes seemed to have messages of their own.

_But it's cold. _

Nodding in affirmation to Willow's message she gently stroked her head. The action saying **I know**.

_You could get sick. _

**I know.**

_I'm sorry. I hurt you and I deserve to be down here and I don't deserve to be with you and Buffy and Dawn and I'm a bad Willow. A very bad bad Willow. _

Gently lifting the snout of the panther to meet her eyes Tara's message finally made it across.

**I love you. That's what matters. **

**Standing and ascending the steps Tara smiled when she heard padded footsteps following her all the way to the living room where she sat on the floor resting her back against the couch with Willow curled at her side the panther's head in her lap. Her hand unconsciously stroking red fur reassuring Willow reaffirming her love in every action. **

…**..**

* * *

As perusual i own nothing. I do however have to appologise for not updating and for such a short up date after such a long period of time. That said i've finished my college english courses so the only chance i'm going to have to write will be on here so ...expect semi great things.

For anyone that has read my work thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

"She's gone."

Buffy jumped at Willow's frantic voice. Years of slaying and sleeping through classes in high school left her with no grogginess when she woke. In line of her sharp vision was…fox news? Not even CNN? Shaking her head she twisted around to see Willow pacing between the front door and her couch in the middle of a full on freak out break down.

"Whose gone?"

Will didn't hear her, rather she continued to pace running her hands through red hair wild green eyes glancing around the room.

"SHE IS! Her purse is gone, and she's not here, and her car is gone and there's nothing left. Where'd she go? How? She was back and she said she loved me and now she's gone again and this is just like last time and I can't go through this again and and and it's Tara. I was so so wrong to even thing that she'd forgive me. I'm a bad Willow. She's gone. She's gone again. Buffy there is a distinct lack of all things Tara and she has no reason to come back. I mean sure there's Dawn and she loves Dawn and if she stays in town she'll want to meet her but she won't want to, not after everything I put her through. The past few day s were just shock that I'd been hurt."

The pacing slowed as Willow backed blindly against a wall and slid down curling her knees to her chest. Reaching out she noticed then picked up the photo she'd knocked over. Buffy was worried at the lack of sobbing her best friend was simply staring at a photo.

Before she could offer any input the door opened. Blinded by the sun she blinked multiple times as her eyes adjusted. Standing in the doorway was Tara with two boxes labled DunkInDoughnuts.

"I I just w-went out for b-breakfast. What h-happened?"

Tara's voice trembled as she stared at the wreck that was Willow. Sighing at the situation Buffy stood taking a box of doughnuts from Tara and closing the door with her free hand. Satisfied that Tara received the message to follow her she noticed the hesitance in the blonde to even leave the room Willow was in.

"She woke up without you. It sent her back to well every other day this year. You guys have a lot to work through and I can't let her go through this again. So tell me here and now. I know she broke your trust but you have to tell me now. Are you willing to work through whatever it is you need to work through?"

Flexing her slayer muscles standing between Tara and the doorway to where Willow was still staring at the photo.

"S-she thought I l-left."Nodding Buffy watched as Tara's eyes widened her body slightly trembling as she tried to get a glimpse of Willow.

"I h-hurt her."

It was a statement of truth and even if every ounce of Buffy wanted to deny it she couldn't.

"We've all hurt each other and we're going to keep doing it if we can't stop thinking about the past and don't just move forward. We need to stop worrying about who hurt who and work forgiving each other."

Stopping as her slayer senses tingled she glanced over to the doorway.

"Hey guys something's wrong with Willow."

Dawn entered the kitchen her eyes widening when they fell on the doughnut boxes. Pulled towards them through a force no one can name but everyone feels for doughnuts she fought with the lid before carefully selecting a powdered cherry filled, taking a bite before steeling her gaze on Buffy and Tara whose postures screamed something serious had gone down.

"Not this again! She's been clean for months now and Tara you said if she made it a month not like three but one you would take her back. AND YOU! Buffy she saved me! She bleed out at a hospital after she sacrificed herself for ME. Why can't you two just move on! I know you both hurt but you're hurting her and none of it is going to stop until you both grow up and MOVE ON!"

Knowing for a moment she'd stepped out of line in the way she spoke to Buffy no matter how much the aforementioned blonde deserved it Dawn backtracked a bit with body posture.

"Dawn d-did anyone ever tell you you're wise b- beyond your years?"

Tara asked before moving forward and hugging the younger girl completely breaking the prior atmosphere.

"So are either of you going to go talk to Willow? Because someone really should and the last time I did anything with her you sent me to my room and then threatened me."

And the teenaged attitude was back. Tara stood however before she could move Buffy stopped her. Moving to the table and selecting a tire track doughnut she smiled at Dawn and Tara.

"I should have had this conversation a long time ago. Umm if that's alright with you Tara."

It wasn't so much a question as an opportunity to reassure herself that she was not stepping on anyone's shoes. The blonde in question serenely nodded before her turning to Dawn, though Buffy paid no mind to what their conversation was truly about. Taking a deep breath she sat next to Willow.

"She's back?"

The whispered plea enlightening Buffy to her best friends misery. As if she hadn't known.

"Yep and she brought you back a doughnut."

Offering the treat with a smile Buffy tried to keep her face from falling when Willow didn't even glance up in recognition.

"Why?"

Confused for a moment completely missing the meaning behind the context or perhaps she did and chose not to respond.

"Because she thought you might be hungry."

Shaking her head finally making eye contact Willow allowed Buffy to see the streaks from silent tears.

"Why would she come back? Everyone leaves."

Closing her mouth in protest Buffy choked back dark feelings of her own.

"Willow she came back. Tara came back. She always will because she loves you . And I … I never really thanked you for saving me. You gave me a second chance to be with Dawn; I'll see her graduate high school. You gave me a second chance to be here for you and you have always been there for me. We both love you alright? And we're not going to leave you again. I know it's hard and your scared and your hurt and for a while it's going to terrify you every time we leave but you've got to trust that we are coming home."

Wrapping her right arm over Willow's shoulder she handed her red head the doughnut.

"And sometimes we'll even bring doughnuts home with us, come on I think this one's seen it's last days let's go get one that hasn't been soaked."

Smiling Buffy stood offering Willow a hand then leading her to the kitchen. Silently Willow glanced over at Tara and encouraged by the small smile, sat next to her. Hesitantly offered her hand under the table calming as warm fingers intertwined with hers.

…..

"I really don't feel well."

After the morning they'd endured no one would fault Willow for an upset stomach however her shade of green had a guilt ridden concerned Tara refusing to leave her side.

"Then lay down baby."

Gentle arms led Willow back down into her own bed before a soft body slipped in behind her.

"I d-don't like t-that you're s-sick after just getting o-out of the hospital."

Sighing Willow simply curled into her lover? Before tightly closing her eyes.

"Hey I brought you some water."

Dawn smiled gently as she walked into the room.

"Umm Willow you're a werepanther right? Could this be connect to that? I your body's different now which is why you have a fever. I don't know how many panthers can eat doughnuts.

* * *

As always I own nothing if you like what your reading drop a review. Until next time

-gitgs.


End file.
